I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
