You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
