How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
