You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Randomize
