i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
