oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
