if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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