careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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