i think my tv is drunk
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
