My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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