There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
