White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
