..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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