They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
