apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
