I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
nutella sex= disaster
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
