This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
soo... how was my night?
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