Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
