Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm like, not good at living.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
