so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
