I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
