I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
