omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
