Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
