so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
