she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize