Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
