I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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