guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
