Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
