Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
