so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
