just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
