If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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