He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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