it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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