Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
