PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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