Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Small penises have feelings too.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
