Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My vagina is officially offended.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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