is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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