considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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