I got chris browned last night
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
