Just fell off a train. Bad.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize