I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize