i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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