i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
