C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
