i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
