Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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