ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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