btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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