Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize