I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
