Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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