I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
this just has baby written all over it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
