We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
