my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am one with the molecules
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
