i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
