She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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