you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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