Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
