It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
