i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
