Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
