i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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