it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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