Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
