a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
