she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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